can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
