This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
