Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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