Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
