I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
