Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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