It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
