My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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