I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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