That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
