we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
