okay pat passed out under dana's car
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
