Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize