I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
