Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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