I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
