Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
