so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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