Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize