so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
