I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
