Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
