i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize