Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
