You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
