You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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