He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
