let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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