in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
