I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
