I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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