That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
