Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
