he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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