Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
