Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
