his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What a dumb baby whore.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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