he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
