he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize