omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
