he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
