After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
