i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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