So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize