There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize