call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
