Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
