Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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