It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
