Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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