I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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