just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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