What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
