I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
