She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
