He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just high enough for therapy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
