I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
