i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
