just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
