I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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