When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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