The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
