yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
