Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
