I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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