Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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