This is not my ceiling
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
