He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
