He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
