Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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